“Dekujeme Vam za provedenou objednavku zbozi 574598 v cene: 492 Kc”.
(Thank you for your order 574598 at the price of 492 Kc)

That’s what I call a no-nonsense order confirmation. Now I just have to remember what it was that I ordered.

In the Czech Republic, paying by cash can be a complicated business. For a reason that I have not yet figured out, Czech stores seem to be constantly desperate for change. If you use a 1000 CZK bill (roughly 35 EUR/50 USD) to pay for 174 CZK worth of groceries, you will likely put the cash register person in a difficult situation or at least get yourself into an unwanted discussion. If you don’t have 174 crowns, you should at least be decent enough and offer 204. Only someone inconsiderate or grossly unprepared will offer a thousand crown bill. Such a troublemaker will receive a sigh and a question “Nemáte menší?” (Do you have anything smaller?). If you don’t, they’ll plead for at least four crowns.

I was at a drugstore and it was one of those days when all I had in my wallet were a few thousand crown bills that I had just gotten out of the ATM. That’s already bad enough to even enter the store, I thought. Let alone in the morning before the store has been able to collect enough change from the customers. On the other hand, I thought it would be ridiculous for me to just go home without making the purchases I needed to make and to return to the store when I had smaller bills on hand. I don’t remember what my shopping came to but it wasn’t much. Probably a couple hundred crowns. Of course I ran into trouble when I handed over my thousand crown bill. After some discussion and my assurances that it’s really all I have, the cash register woman got up and went into the back of the store to discuss the situation with her colleagues. The line behind me started getting longer and I started feeling like an offender who’s creating trouble for the cash register people, the other customers waiting in line, the whole store… Finally, the lady brought some change and I was rescued. I don’t know where she got it but it is not uncommon for desperate shop employees or their colleagues to search through their own wallets to break a large bill, or to go hunting for change in neighboring shops.

Another situation that “tought me a lesson” happened on a train once. I had bought a ticket for second class but after boarding the train, I found the second class cars to be pretty full, so I decided to move to first class and pay the supplement directly to the conductor. This is a normal thing to do, at least according to the Czech Railways rules of train travel. The supplement came to some 120 CZK and when I handed the conductor my 500 CZK bill, he looked at me like I was crazy and announced that he’s not able to make change because he doesn’t have any. I stared at him, not knowing quite how to react. Do I have to go back to second class then? Do I get to ride on first class for free? Why is this my problem anyway? I want to pay you, I have the money, here you go, please just give me my ticket. I waited for the conductor to solve what I considered to be his problem. All he did was insist that there is nothing he can do and he casually suggested that I go check with some other passengers to see if they can break my “large” bill. Of course I was extremely excited at the idea of bothering complete strangers and asking them for money. I finally understood that there was no other way if I wanted to keep my seat. So I went from compartment to compartment, asking for change, feeling like an idiot. I wondered two things: Why does the conductor have no money on him when one of his jobs is to sell tickets and supplements? And why was it me and not the conductor who had to go look for change?

I have almost become paranoid about having small change whenever I need to buy something. I check my wallet sometimes before going out and get change from Jeff if I think I’ll need it. I carefully plan where I’m going to break my large bills (imagine my concern when all that the ATM spits out are 2000 CZK notes!). I know that it’s good to pay with a large bill at a restaurant and save the change for my evening trip to the grocery store. I try to be good and proactively search through my wallet when paying so that I can come up with the exact amount and earn some gratitude at the cash register.

Cash register employees in the United States have neat little packages of coins stacked next to the register, so they can dump a new set of quarters or dimes or nickles into their little change drawer every time they run out. The customer is not bothered, the employee is free of worries. Why is it that no store owner in the Czech Republic has ever thought of this brilliant solution?

To Jesse: In my opinion, the word “kačka” as in “a crown” comes from the abbreviation “Kč”, which is pronounced as “ká čé”.

“500 products now permanently discounted! For at least 4 months. Guaranteed!”

According to dm’s website, the lowered prices themselves are referred to as trvalé ceny (permanent prices), which again are guaranteed for a minimum of 4 months. So if you want to get your favorite brand of shampoo at that wonderful new price, remember to run to the store by May 2007, the month that marks the end of guaranteed permanence.

I dial.
On the other end: “Hello?”
It is common for private Czech service providers to answer the phone with a mere “Hello”.
Me: “Is this Mr. Vácha?”
Mr. Vácha: “Yes.”
I introduce myself and continue.
Me: “We bought a gas heater from you a year ago and something happened with it last night. There was a small explosion and we could smell that something had burned. We were wondering if we could get someone to come and take a look at it.”
Mr. Vácha: “You didn’t buy it from me.”
Not a good start. I’m annoyed but keep my cool.
Me: “Proheat on Moskevská.”
Mr. Vácha: “Oh yeah, Proheat. What’s the model?”
I read the model number off to him.
Mr. Vácha: “And what is the heater doing? Are any lights lit on it?”
Me: “The light on the left is lit orange. The other lights are off because we haven’t been using the heater since last night.”
Mr. Vácha: ”It’s fine then. If it was broken, all the lights would be off.”
Me: “Yes, but last night the heater made a loud noise and we could smell something burning.”
Mr. Vácha: ”What were you doing when it happened?”
Me: “I ran hot water.”
Mr. Vácha: “So run hot water.”
I run hot water.
Me: “The heater’s behaving normally and a light turned green.”
Mr. Vácha: “So it works.”
Me: “Yes, it seems to work, but I’m saying that it looks like something burned inside last night.”
Mr. Vácha: “It must be dirty.”
Me: “Dirty?”
We bought the heater 14 months ago and still consider it new.
Mr. Vácha: “Yes, it may be dusty inside and some dust may have burned.”
Me: “So a gas heater needs to be cleaned yearly?”
Mr. Vácha: “Maybe yearly, yeah.”
Pause.
Me: “I see… Do we need to clean it?”
Mr. Vácha: “Well, I don’t know if YOU should clean it.”
Pause.
Me: “Should we call someone to clean it?”
Mr. Vácha: “I can come on Tuesday and clean it.”
Pause.
Me: “So do you think that it was just some dust that burned and not a wire or some connector inside the heater?”
Mr. Vácha: “Everything is possible.”
Pause.
Mr. Vácha: “Everything is possible.”
Pause.
Mr. Vácha: “Absolutely everything is possible.”
Pause.
I’m starting to feel like Alice in Wonderland.
Me: “Ok, so in your opinion, can we continue to use the heater or not?”
Mr. Vácha: “Well, it works, doesn’t it?”
Me: “Yes, it works, but is it safe to use it?”
Mr. Vácha: “I don’t know. It’s as if you asked me if it’s safe to drive a car.”
Me: “I mean, is it safe to use the heater in the next few days?”
Mr. Vácha: “I said, it’s as if you asked me if it’s safe to drive a car.”
I feel I’m losing it. I start speaking slowly and clearly.
Me: “Based on what I have described to you that has happened, can you tell me if we can use the heater before you come on Tuesday, or do we have to shower somewhere else? We don’t want the heater to blow up on us or something. I’m just trying to understand…”
Mr. Vácha: “I’m trying to explain it to you! It’s as if you asked me if it’s safe to drive a car! I don’t know if you can use it or not. The heater is secured. If something should go terribly wrong with it, it’ll just break. It’s not broken, is it? If all you need to do is draw a bath or take a shower, maybe it’s fine to use it for short times like that. But if you have a five-year old kid, maybe you should turn it off.”
Me: “We don’t have a kid. So I guess we’ll just keep an eye on it and continue to use it and if something happens, we’ll stop.”
Mr. Vácha: “Yeah.”

I bought a bracelet at the Promod store at Nový Smíchov on Sunday. When I tried it on at home, it quickly became clear that even though the piece looked beautiful, the design was not thought out that well because the bracelet kept twisting the wrong way on my wrist. It bothered me enough that I realized I wouldn’t wear it, so the sensible thing was to go back and see if I could return it. Mind you, this wasn’t faulty merchandise. The jewelry had a design issue that was unacceptable to me but may be acceptable to other women.

The store receipt said that merchandise could be exchanged within four weeks. Nothing about refunds or even store credit. I went back to the store expecting that I would probably have to buy something else right there and “exchange” it for the bracelet. It would have been a bit tricky because I pretty much bought everything I wanted to buy on Sunday and I’d have to struggle to find something else now, only five days later. But lo and behold, I was offered a refund. What’s more, it was given out in cash even though I had made the purchase with a credit card. The whole transaction was quick and easy, the girl at the counter didn’t make a face, didn’t give out a sigh and didn’t call a colleague to discuss the “non-standard situation” created by a “non-standard” customer. She filled out whatever she needed to fill out, thanked me and said good bye with a smile.

It may be that the times really are changing. Maybe if foreign-owned companies come in and bring customer friendly policies with them, Czech customers will gradually get used to a certain level of service and, with time, will begin expecting and demanding the same level of service from everyone. I hope it’s only a matter of time.

A manager of the Julius Meinl meat department in České Budějovice is facing two years in jail for having ordered her staff to rinse expired meat. Employees were instructed to rinse bad meat products in a mixture of water and vinegar to remove any smell, and to cut off bad parts. The meat was then sold to customers. (iDNES article – in Czech)

I’m unfortunately used to seeing expired food on the shelves. It seems to be quite normal at some small grocery stores in my neighborhood where expired butter, chocolate or packaged ham aren’t hard to find. Since moving back to the Czech Republic a year ago, I’ve learned to check the expiration date of each and every product I put into my basket. It makes shopping take longer, but I’d rather spend the extra time to not have to throw away the contents of my bag after coming home. Not that it’s never happened and not that checking expiration dates always does the trick.

A few months ago, Jeff and I made a decent size shopping at the Delvita on Karlovo náměstí. We wanted to stock up on meat (we had bought meat there previously and were happy with it), so we bought two packages of pork tenderloin (panenka, the most expensive cut) and a package of chicken breasts, all marked with a future expiration date. When we got home and opened one of the packages of pork to cook it for dinner, we were greeted with a horrible smell that didn’t go away even after we let the meat “breathe”, refusing to believe that “our Delvita” actually sold us bad meat. We checked the other package and it was the same. To our astonishment, the chicken was bad as well. We threw out all the meat and were left with no dinner. But wait, that’s not all. I remember throwing out another item from that day’s shopping. Was it moldy bread? Maybe. Anyway, the Delvita on Karlovo náměstí is not “our Delvita” anymore.

Another similar experience was recently provided by the Carrefour Eden in Prague 10. We shop there regularly. Among other things, we used to buy fresh fish there because we can’t find it anywhere else within a reasonable radius from our home. Around 7 p.m. on September 6, we bought our usual salmon fillets and we also splurged and got two cod fillets. Not the cheap cod. We got the more expensive kind. You can imagine our surprise when we unwrapped the fish around noon the next day, looking forward to making our favorite baked cod, and, yet again, our noses were hit with a sickening smell. So, after striking Delvita on Karlovo náměstí from our list, we also no longer buy fresh fish at Carrefour Eden, or do so rarely and with a sense of taking a chance. The fact that one of the fish counter employees routinely uses his teeth to open the plastic bag before wrapping your fish in it isn’t exactly appealing either.

I’m not even going to elaborate on Carrefour’s fruit and vegetable section where one can happily select from rotten apples and grapes and tired-looking tomatoes. Sometimes I stand in front of the displays of rotten fruit and quietly wonder if it is for real or if the store is trying to play a joke on us. But no one ever laughs.

More details about the deal can be found in the Tesco press release and on cee-foodindustry.com.