I don’t know if I’m the only one who’s noticed this, but it seems to me that Czech women don’t know how to accept compliments. You make a compliment and they don’t know what to do with it. They either try to downplay your praise in an attempt to show modesty, or they start explaining how they achieved whatever it is you’re praising, or they just change the subject.
I’m not one to throw compliments around, but it just so happened that I have complimented three women this past week. Not to be “nice” or to make conversation. My compliments were sincere and the words of praise came out of my mouth in real admiration. It struck me that all these women somehow avoided dealing with the compliment.
Last Friday, a girl at a class I go to showed up with a new hair color, one that I thought looked great on her. I noticed her as soon as I entered the room and I said, “Nice hair color!” She gave a flattered smile and said, “Oh, it’s just a color shampoo. It’ll wash out.” I continued, “Well, the color looks really good on you.” She answered with an apologetic expression on her face, “It’s supposed to last for about a week but my hair is so weird, I don’t need to wash it very often, so the color will probably stay in forever.”
A few days ago, I had lunch with a friend whom I hadn’t seen for several months. I thought she looked particularly good on that day. Her hair was done and had flattering highlights in it and her face had a healthy tan. As I sat down, I commented on her looks by saying, “You look nice today, the hair, the tan…”. “I went to the hairdresser,” she explained. “And the tan is probably still left from the vacation,” she added pragmatically. “Probably. Anyway, you look really good,” I repeated. My friend changed the subject. “So how have you been?”
On Saturday, I went to see a play with a friend of mine and her husband. My friend turned up in a beautiful red blouse, which looked just perfect against her blonde hair. I couldn’t help exclaiming, “Wow, what a great blouse!” She smiled, turned to her husband and told him, “See, and you’re wearing these horrible pants.”
The obsevation is true for women in every country that I have been to.
Hi Ted and thanks for your comment. I have found that women in the USA usually accept compliments readily, with a polite ‘thank you’. I think they are much more used to receiving and paying compliments to each other than is typical in the Czech Republic. Czechs seem to become uncomfortable and shy when they’re faced with direct praise.
Hi Dana!
Nice story, as usual))
Yes, some women seem to feel a kind of guilt when they are looking great and especialy when you tell them about it.
And some women seem feeling themselves uncomfortable getting compliments as if a compliment means that they have to give something in return. May be these women should visit a special course called “How to accept a compliment”))
Nat
Hi Dana, Perhaps you are right about women in the Czech Republic.
I was only there for a week and I really do not know any of the Czech language.
Nice story.
Ted
Thank you. 🙂
Hi Dana,
I totally agree with you a Czech girl at my school kind of acts modest if i complement her, while us American girls dowse her in complements she doesn’t seem to take them well.
My observation here in the USA, with teenage girls is the same as mentioned with women of the Czech- the down-play of the compliment. I joined in right with them when I was that age, with the whole, “I’m so fat, I’m so ugly” trend. I thought it as modesty at the time, but looking back I now find it a form of narcissism, and a bit rude when I turned down the gift of a compliment. I now find it very easy to just say “thank you,” when someone likes something of me, even if I disagree with them and go so far as to add that as well.
ALTHOUGH- lately I have been thinking about how strange it is that we accept a compliment for our looks which we were born with, or the hair cut that we only paid for, or the jewelry we wear, crafted by another artisan. lately it does seem funny to me to accept these compliments when I think they should go to someone else, and I sympathize with the above mentioned Czech women
That’s an interesting way to look at it, Shae. I agree that it is not quite fair to accept a compliment for something that has been created by others. On the other hand, you usually have some kind of a say in the way you look. You’re the one to style your hair every morning, you’re the one to put on makeup, choose the clothes you wear, select that piece of jewelry in the store… My blonde friend knew that the particular red blouse would look great on her. My other friend worked on her tan and decided to get highlights in her hair. We exert an effort to create and maintain a look that prompts others to give compliments.
I admit I’m at a loss when people tell me how beautiful my dog is. Thanking them for something that has been created by nature and is carried so well by him seems just wrong.